Talk It Over – Relate: “Breaking the Cycle”

James 4:1-3
- “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

Share any funny stories you know or have heard about kid’s getting upset by something insignificant, like in Matt’s example of a fly landing on the table next to a two-year-old.

At times, we are quick to point out how the other person is responsible for a problem or conflict we are facing. In the process, we tend to overlook our own expectations and desires that may be under the surface. How does that affect our ability to relate to others?
Think of a recent conflict where you were frustrated or had an impasse in a situation. What were you trying to get? What did you want? Was that clear to the other person? Were you clear on what they wanted?
One approach to defusing a tense situation is to admit your own responsibility. “Do you know what part of the problem is here? I’m not getting what I want.” What’s the risk in saying that? What do you fear will happen? What positive outcome do you think it could produce?
How often do you bring to God your hopes and expectations? How often do you ask Him to meet those needs, rather than expecting others to fulfill them?

Look for an opportunity to take responsibility in the midst of conflict this week. Take a risk and say (or at least think), “Do you know what part of the problem is here? I’m not getting what I want.”
As Matt, Liz, Todd, and Heather head to Nicaragua this week, be in prayer for their safety and for God’s sense of direction and purpose for them and us as a church.
If you are interested in getting into a small group, or leading one: join us for our Groups Connection Lunch on January 31. Full details here.